The last few months have been absolutely insane. I’m filled with such a mix of emotions but am mostly looking forward to the opportunities that life is presenting to me. I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long time, but I’m also more scared than I ever have been in my life with so much uncertainty. Many people only share the amazing bits of their lives online. But that’s not real life and I’d like to think this blog is about real life things. So here is a glimpse into my current view.
Don’t Make Any Major Life-Changing Decisions After Burning Man.
Don’t Make Any Major Life-Changing Decisions After Burning Man. (It’s worth repeating, trust me!) Many wise people have stated this over and over again – especially increasing the reminders after everyone comes home and the dust hasn’t yet settled. I’ve been pretty good about not being tempted by any decisions in the past, and this year was no exception…. except for when life decides to make major life-changing decisions for you.
I still had my dusty burning man gear sitting in my dining room when I got the call that I was being laid off from my job as a private jet flight attendant due to downsizing of the company. If you asked me if I was surprised, I would admit that I knew I would be selected. In business, it’s always about money, and almost never about the people – as one of the highest paid people in my position, of course I was the easy choice. I knew the phone call was coming and I quite literally dared the universe to make it happen. I’ve been in a manifesting-type-mood lately, so the universe aligned and made my hearts desires become the truth.
The first emotion that I felt was relief. I felt that I had done that job the absolute best that I could. I knew that I would hold no regrets to the work ethic I put into that job. And the clients and passengers are the proof of that – as I did get requested for flights through my aviation career. Even at my best though, I sincerely believe that the stress caused by the lack of schedule structure for sleeping and eating and the stress of constant pressurizing and depressurizing of the plane has contributed to the severity of my Crohn’s disease.
My second emotion was absolute terror. I remembered that I live alone and am 100% responsible for paying my rent (and rent in LA is not cheap!). I also drive a very nice car, which again, is not cheap. I realized very quickly that I need to make money as soon as possible and that I didn’t have time to find the “perfect job”.
I also became aware very quickly that I would need to figure out what to do about my health insurance. $520,620.90 That is the amount that my medical bills totaled in the last two years. $167,640.57 That amount is the cost of my used doses of Humira – a biologic medication that keeps me in remission. These numbers don’t include any of the other prescriptions that I have needed in the past few years – steroids, pain killers, antibiotics, anti nausea medicine, colonoscopy prep, and more.
Today I picked up the last prescriptions covered by insurance and it was the scariest thing I’ve ever done. COBRA, a program that allows you to continue your health insurance costs 4 times more than what I was paying for health insurance while employed. My $140/month premium is now a pricey $560/month, which I cannot afford. I asked my previous employer if my severance package could be negotiated to include an extension of this benefit, to which they responded coldly that they would not negotiate the terms. As you can imagine I was in full panic mode for my health and financial situation.
I Get by With a Little Help…
I reached out to a few people as things developed and I’ve had a seriously amazing support system. I got a job 36 hours after being laid off, 4.5 miles from where I live, at a pet resort – yes this means I get to play with dogs all day. Am I destined for something bigger? Absolutely. But this allows me time to find what that “something” is, while giving me the ability to focus on the things I’ve been neglecting for the past 3 years.
In the last couple weeks, I’ve been focusing on my spirituality by meditating more often, strengthening my relationships with the people that are close to me, and finally focusing on being healthier by eating better and riding my bike to work – goals that I’ve been putting off for far too long.
I have friends that check in on me to see how I’m doing – some that are helping me with my resume – some that have been keeping their ears to the ground for job opportunities that they think I would be great at – and some that fill my soul with love. For these people I am so incredibly grateful – especially for your patience with me in this time of change.
As scary as the future looks for me right now, I am almost fearless because I know that I cannot fail with these people by my side. Firstly because none of them would allow me to become homeless or starve, and secondly because they all believe in me so fully.
People say the only constant thing in life is change, but my dear friends and family are giving change a run for it’s money with the constant stream of love that keeps coming my way. Thank you all for your support through this transition. I can’t wait to see what crazy and amazing things I get to experience next!!